When Wolf mentions catching the gray in the mirror, she talks about it as something to come in the future. My question to her is, “when” is that future? If not now, when it is happening, when is it that she will “go gray?” Is there an age at which this is acceptable? If there is, I wish Ms. Wolf would please share it. Apparently, going gray in your forties or fifties is not acceptable. At what age do we accept the gray as part of who we are?
I know very few women who embrace their gray. Co-workers have actually admonished me for not covering the increasing numbers of silver shoots that sprout from my scalp. One woman told me that even if my husband doesn’t express his distaste at my gray that he’d really prefer I cover it. I admit that for me, coloring my hair is more about a total lack of desire to invest time (and money) in my hair than it is about making a conscious social statement or taking a stand against artificial appearances. Yet, I’m apparently bucking convention enough that relative strangers feel the need to try to bring me into line.
Wolf mentions the time she spends in the gym to maintain her body, and says the time she spends is about her appreciation of the state of health, wellness and strength she feels in her body as the result of exercise. At forty myself, I hear her. I’ve lived long enough and suffered a few debilitating injuries that I appreciate my health much more than when I was young. Watching my mother lose agility, flexibility and strength, I see the importance of maintaining my own fitness so that I remain independently physically capable as I age. Keeping fit, without trying to remain a particular size, is definitely something I think is important for women throughout life. Comments about exercise and feeling good are about abilities and not appearance like the hair coloring.
The self-confidence that middle age brings to a lot of women is undeniable. My comment back to my friend’s Facebook post wherein she shared Wolf’s article was,“I used to think my thighs were fat when I was seventeen. Ha! Now, my thighs are things that take me up 4000+ foot peak mountains and as long as they can do that, I don’t care what size they are.” Of course, that is a bit of a half-truth. Consciously and rationally, I believe that statement. Unconsciously, the nagging, tiny voice remains in my head that says my thighs should be about the size of my upper arms and should be as flawless and free of marks or pocks of any kind as airbrushed photographs of swimsuit models. Most often, the rational voice wins out because it is, well, rational, and intelligent, educated and not influenced by unrealistic expectations. For many women, middle age tames those unhealthy demands, that clamor for attention when we’re young, in favor of real accomplishments.
As my friend wrote in her response to the article, she has grown happier with herself as she’s aged and no longer fears aging as she did in her twenties. I believe books like Wolf’s BEAUTY MYTH have contributed to the numbers of women who are happier at middle age, who embrace growing older and who appreciate each stage and age of life for its own merits, concentrating on those positives more than the negatives. Feminist writers and researchers like Wolf have definitely made a difference for many women who view life as a continuum rather than that hothouse flower that blooms for a short time and then withers.
One of the comments at the Washington Post website shares a truth I think is missing from my own argument herein: that thinking this way is the purview of educated, mostly middle to upper-middle class women. Women with resources are better able to fend off the call to youth, are able to take better care of their bodies and to feel confident because they have been successful in various venues. It is a small subset of women, as the commentator claims, who have moved into the way of thinking described by Naomi Wolf in this most recent article. While this may be true, a small subset is a start. Maybe with more time, the small subset publishing articles about aging as a myth will increase and spread across the socio-economic lines that continue to divide women’s experience of life. I’m not sure, but I think it might happen more quickly if even women in the small subset stop coloring their hair.
First published: http://www.hercircleezine.com/2011/06/30/the-beauty-myth-gets-old/
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