Much has been said about how much has been said about the royal wedding today. Almost as much as been said about why or why not anyone should care about it. Ultimately, today's wedding in England is about what any wedding is about: the hope and promise of love.
When my own husband asked what I could possibly find interesting about the whole thing, I told him this: it is a wedding. To me, it is like our own wedding all over again. Every wedding we've attended has been this for me, as I believe it is for many people who are married wedding guests. We see our own young selves in the couple. We see the youth, the hope and the love and remember that time in our own lives, when we looked out upon life and our future with only happiness and hope. Ours was the view of life through the proverbial rose-colored glasses. When we see this in other couples as they marry, the bittersweet memories of our actual lived reality fill our hearts with renewed hope and love, for we hold hands in our seats and think, "Well, we're still here! And yet another couple is doing this, so love goes on!"
The speech of the Bishop of London summed it all up. He spoke of this hope of which I write, and that of which I've professed as my desire to watch this event today. He talked about every wedding being a royal wedding, which I, too, believe. While Chris and I stood in a field, he in shorts, a short-sleeve shirt and low-cut Vans, me barefoot in jean cut-offs (old and blue!) and a white tank top but with pearls (borrowed!) and a white floral headpiece (new!), we might have appeared outwardly a bit different from the affair seen today, yet we felt as if the world stopped for us, as all of England has stopped for the royal family today. As the Bishop of London said, this wedding gives hope to the world, to all peoples. It fills us with the joy of love, the promise of commitment, the promise of a future where all the horror of the world stops for a time so that love may reign. We might even ask ourselves, if but for a moment, is it possible for this to BE the future? Not only that, but the Bishop spoke of the power of love and marriage to transform. This is the hope of the world we find in this day. Might not only two people, but also all of us transform toward peace and love?
I remember my own wedding eighteen years ago this year. I remember standing with Chris and the vows exchanged. As he spoke his vows to me, the gravity of it all was overwhelming. Here was this man, committing himself to me. He promised that he will love me, cherish me and honor me until death. He promised that to this he would abide whether life held for us poor times or rich ones, wellness or illness and whether life was better or worse.
Before the bride arrived to the church, I was crying. Claudia asked why. I explained all I've written above, about the hope, the love and the commitment and how it all reminded me of my own marriage and wedding. Being just sixteen, she was still incredulous. Chris watched with us as he got ready to leave for work. Then, he, too, shed tears as Kate Middleton arrived with her father at the church. On his way to work, we talked after the actual marriage ceremony. Claudia sat beside me as I told Chris I cried more during the exchange of vows. Claudia interjected, "sobbed," which is what I did. I, again, explained to her that it was because of the promise of marriage, what the vows actually say.
To her, I said, "Those who are married cry at weddings because they think of their own history and lives together. It is the promise of loving one another, through the trials and tribulations of life."
To Chris, on the phone, I said, "Well, this has definitely been a poorer time."
He dissented: "No," he said, "We've definitely gotten richer."
Through my tears and in my heart, I smiled. His reference was not to our financial statement, of course, but rather our emotional and spiritual condition, our love. And, he's right. We are so much richer in love than ever before. This, being the only kind of "rich" that is really and truly important, is why I've been so excited for this wedding today. It is so that I, along with a great portion of the world, might have a lighter heart filled with the promise of love, even if just for today.
On a final note, I want to mention that today is the birthday of my late Grandmother Hudson nee Morey. Having family in England, I am sure she would have been thrilled that the day of her birth is shared by the royal family as a wedding day. So, happy birthday, Granny Darling (as she was known by my children) and Congratulations, William and Kate! Thank you both for sharing this event, which is so personal, with all of us across the world so that we might all share in the love and hope that you represent.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Not so far ahead of my time...the secret of community college
A few days ago, I wrote about the higher and higher cost of post-secondary education. I predicted that at least for the middle class, community college attendance would become a smart and sound educational path. It seems I'm not as far ahead of my time as I thought. Just yesterday, NPR had a segment about community college specifically because of the outrageous cost of college, especially private college. The segment considered whether there is any real disadvantage to attending a community college rather than spending (pun intended, of course) all four years at a private college or even a state university.
I'm glad my children are of an age that will allow them a less competitive application process than might be the case even just five years from now. I believe within that time, middle class families will realize that saddling themselves and their children with student loans that burden them for up to three decades post-college-graduation is not a smart idea and not "worth" it. Upon that realization, with an obligation to buy health insurance with the income that once might have paid college loans, parents will say, "Go to community college!"
I'm glad my children are of an age that will allow them a less competitive application process than might be the case even just five years from now. I believe within that time, middle class families will realize that saddling themselves and their children with student loans that burden them for up to three decades post-college-graduation is not a smart idea and not "worth" it. Upon that realization, with an obligation to buy health insurance with the income that once might have paid college loans, parents will say, "Go to community college!"
Fight Club for Women
Here's my article in Her Circle ezine on Fight Club considered as feminist literature. Comments are welcome and if you would comment at the article's publication site, that would be even better!
Thanks for reading!
Thanks for reading!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
"Fight Club"...for Feminists?
On Feb. 15, 2011, Laura Cude wrote an article about THE HANDMAID’S TALE that led to reader comments about dystopian literature. When I made a comment about Chuck Palahniuk’s FIGHT CLUB in particular, further discussion ensued, and I was asked to contribute something more formal concerning my thoughts about FIGHT CLUB as representative of feminist literature.
For most of the book, the narrator disparages Marla Singer, the main female character. Fifty or so pages in, two male characters bemoan being raised by women because of their fathers’ absence at work or through divorce, and wonder, “if another woman is really the answer I need.” We cannot let Marla off the hook for her own negative self-talk. She refers to herself, more than once, as “infectious human waste” and views aging as when “she’ll have fewer and fewer options.” Arguably, Marla is not the usual or easily identified feminist character. As a result, the feminist reader might dismiss the novel as misogynist.
However, if we examine the characters and their relationship in the novel as a whole, we find something more complex and worthy of further consideration. Despite her suicide attempt, Marla has not given up on life, or the narrator. Due to the fact that the novel is told from the point of view of the narrator, who is unaware of his split personality for most of the book, we are not presented with the details of shared self-mutilation incidents, such as cigarette and lye burns since these occur between the Durden character and Marla. Instead, we discover them much like the narrator who comments on the physical scars he shares with her. This is a literary construct and tool, not an attempt to gloss over the issues of violence and domestic abuse. The self-inflicted wounds are part of the two searching for life’s meaning, for feeling, for enlightenment and connection. This search is due to the characters’ dissatisfaction with the consumerist society in which they live where there is little connection or relationship and where work duties, such as the travel the narrator undertakes in his job, keep people from developing meaningful relationships.
As flawed a female character as Marla is, she remains her own person throughout the story. She does not so much as put up with the narrator/Durden, as seek to understand the two and her self at the same time. At the end of the text, she tells the narrator that she prefers his personality to that of Durden. Thus, we see that she is not tolerant of the abuse, and that she had hoped all along that the narrator would integrate, what they both come to realize, as dual personalities. She finds herself and discovers hope and love (or something resembling it in the messed up world of FIGHT CLUB) through their relationship. She is not willing to let that go, despite suffering the Durden personality at times.
Self-mutilation is something many of the characters pursue in an attempt to “feel” something due to the lack of emotional connection that is otherwise the status quo in the consumerist society in which they live. This, of course, mirrors our own culture wherein people cut themselves because they lack emotional feeling and connection. It has been documented that “cutting” as it is known, is often undertaken by people suffering from depression that is marked by an inability to feel emotion of any kind. The cutting and self-infliction of pain serves to allow the person to physically, if not emotionally, feel and experience sensation.
Feminist scholars propose relational theory as an alternative to the stages and individualized, trajectory-like developmental models put forth by (mostly) white, Western men. Relational development theory posits that we grow and develop in relationship and in relation to others in our lives. This theory views development as more circuitous and as the result of interactions.
The hope, healing and love Marla’s character finds through her relationship with the narrator seems stereotypical on the surface—the woman bound to her self-destructive and abusive male partner. However, the narrator is healed through his relationship with Marla, as well. At the beginning of the novel, the narrator develops multiple personality disorder. Upon the death of his friend Bob, which is the result of a prank instigated by the narrator’s Durden personality, the narrator decides he must stop his destructive alternate-personality. The Durden personality has set up safeguards against this, and because of these, Marla’s life is endangered. Due to his feelings for Marla, the narrator is determined to find a way to extricate himself from the entanglement of multiple personality disorder. He realizes that destruction and violence only create feelings of desolation, rather than the equanimity and self-worth the narrator seeks. Instead, he finds these not only with Marla, but also because of her. Thus, the narrator’s and Marla’s healing, growth and development are the result of their relationship.
It is interesting that a male author wrote this book, and yet I cannot imagine a female author for it. Women authors are not known for producing works that detail violence, or for writing mostly unlovable female lead characters. Marla is not a female lead with whom women might easily identify. Even as we witness her suffering due to the multiple personality disorder of the narrator, she retains her sense of self, her wit and her strength so that she is never crying over the loss of the narrator as a partner. Rather, she deals with so much of is erratic behavior and then determines she is better off moving on without him. As the text comes to a close, the narrator determines that his Durden personality was partly due to his desire for a relationship with Marla. He states, “I know why Tyler has occurred. Tyler loved Marla. From the first night I met her, Tyler or some part of me had needed a way to be with Marla.” Marla, too, confirms her approval of and desire for the narrator’s personality as opposed to that of the Durden personality. As he is taken away to be committed to a mental institution, she says, “No, I like you…I know the difference,” indicating her recognition of the narrator as separate from the Durden personality.
As we reflect on what constitutes feminist literature, a novel like this challenges us. InFIGHT CLUB, we see that men also suffer under the modern manifestation of patriarchy. However, my argument for the novel as feminist is not because it presents a lament for men’s suffering akin to that of women, and it certainly does not offer what we would normally consider a healthy or admirable female image. Rather it is the treatment of gender roles as socio-culturally constructed and the presence of relational development that convince me of the merits of FIGHT CLUB as feminist literature.
In interviews, Palahniuk claims he is not writing feminist literature when he is asked about whether these elements of FIGHT CLUB are intentional. The fact that he wrote a novel that incorporates relational theory and challenges gender roles without setting out to do so says something about the reach of feminist thought in our society. The author allowed his main character to find growth and healing through relationship, and helped forward the discussion on gender roles. While the focus was mostly about answering, “what makes a man?” If we answer that, we must always consider women’s roles, as well. Palahniuk’s final answer is that a man is a dichotomous person, someone who is at times weak and at other times strong. Rather than cold-hearted and calculating, a man is one who cares deeply for others. We see that this is also what defines a woman. Thus, the author offers a new way of thinking about gender as liquid, as fitting the situation at hand.
*Plot spoiler: the narrator of the book suffers from multiple personality disorder. Tyler Durden is the narrator’s alternate personality.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Gambling Away Your Future
For more than twenty years, I've said that I think the stock market is a big legalized gambling bit. I look at it like we give money to a certain person to bet for us, just like what is known as racketeering when it is not done by guys in ridiculously-priced suits in New York. Well, for the sake of clarity, some of them might also wear ridiculously-priced suits, but their business is conducted outside of office buildings. I have said, time and again, that I imagine these major "power brokers," on an island somewhere most of us have never heard of, sitting down to play poker with our hopes, dreams, retirement security, college funds, and the like. Our "mutual fund" or "401k" is converted to a silly plastic chip, likely specially made for the occasion: "Gazzillionaires Annual Gaming Fest" (a.k.a "G.A.G. Fest" Yes, sickening pun intended.). Then, the aged-whatever-kind of alcohol starts flowing, cigars start billowing smoke and our very lives are moved about the table like pawns. It's like the Greek Gods of old playing around with the lives of ordinary humans. However, at least the Greek Gods knew they were playing with human lives. After reading "The Quants," I realize that these gamblers do not even have as a blip on their radar the fact that the chips before them represent the blood, sweat, tears and lives of real human beings.
The most meaningful quote from the book for me is found on pages 134-135. To summarize, the author states that it is the math that is important, nothing else. Countries and companies are not examined for their societal good, nor their efficiency, even, per se. You see, you can always bet against them, buy some kind of "insurance" in their failure, so that you make money when governments or companies fail. That is kind of sick, if any kind of human face is put to it. While who "cares" about a failing company, it is the people who work there that matter. I don't care if all the car companies "fail" for example. I do care that their failure means that people will be out of work, unable to provide for their families and under stress like never before. Even in the great depression, people had fewer worries. I mean, they were not "required by law" to carry health insurance, for example. Their kids did not have to have Internet access in the house just to go to school. It isn't even just Internet access that is required, but also printer ink and paper. Toner, the last time we bought it, was just under $100!
In "The Quants," the author points out that our "math geniuses" are the people who created the mess in which we are still in the midst. Right now, I see oil the same way as it effects gas prices. They will push until it just implodes. There are math geniuses out there in New York and they are "betting" on how high gas prices can go before people "just say no." The deal is this: most people work for a living. And, since we don't have a public transportation system outside of major cities, the majority of Americans drive to work. With the loss of jobs, people drive further than ever before to work. At some point, that drive does not pay off any longer because the cost to get there is too great. The "quants" are pushing to see just what that "tipping point" is. It is a game to them. They don't drive to work anyway. No, they walk from pricey New York apartments or hop on a private jet or helicopter and because they have SO MUCH money, gobs of it, the cost of the fuel for the jet or helicopter is not a consideration.
I have always hated the stock market because I find it immoral. "The Quants" merely confirms everything I've ever thought. It puts facts behind my speculation. Read it, and let me know what you think.
The most meaningful quote from the book for me is found on pages 134-135. To summarize, the author states that it is the math that is important, nothing else. Countries and companies are not examined for their societal good, nor their efficiency, even, per se. You see, you can always bet against them, buy some kind of "insurance" in their failure, so that you make money when governments or companies fail. That is kind of sick, if any kind of human face is put to it. While who "cares" about a failing company, it is the people who work there that matter. I don't care if all the car companies "fail" for example. I do care that their failure means that people will be out of work, unable to provide for their families and under stress like never before. Even in the great depression, people had fewer worries. I mean, they were not "required by law" to carry health insurance, for example. Their kids did not have to have Internet access in the house just to go to school. It isn't even just Internet access that is required, but also printer ink and paper. Toner, the last time we bought it, was just under $100!
In "The Quants," the author points out that our "math geniuses" are the people who created the mess in which we are still in the midst. Right now, I see oil the same way as it effects gas prices. They will push until it just implodes. There are math geniuses out there in New York and they are "betting" on how high gas prices can go before people "just say no." The deal is this: most people work for a living. And, since we don't have a public transportation system outside of major cities, the majority of Americans drive to work. With the loss of jobs, people drive further than ever before to work. At some point, that drive does not pay off any longer because the cost to get there is too great. The "quants" are pushing to see just what that "tipping point" is. It is a game to them. They don't drive to work anyway. No, they walk from pricey New York apartments or hop on a private jet or helicopter and because they have SO MUCH money, gobs of it, the cost of the fuel for the jet or helicopter is not a consideration.
I have always hated the stock market because I find it immoral. "The Quants" merely confirms everything I've ever thought. It puts facts behind my speculation. Read it, and let me know what you think.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Quarterly Goals Check In
So, we're just a little past the actual quarter. However, better late than never!
A lot has happened in my life that will alter some of my goals for the remainder of the year, so I'll address each thing as I get to it.
The instructional design courses may be on hold for several reasons. There are no "excuses" I'd offer for this. Rather, I'd just say that things are taking different directions and funds are needed for other important family things, thus grad school remains "on hold."
With regard to weight loss and exercise, I'm still in fits and starts. I'm eating much better than ever, so that in itself is a major accomplishment. I've kept off weight I've lost and have lost some since January.
I've done nothing with web design, other than struggle to learn to use a few new software programs and that has taken time from learning html. I have my book, though, so any time I'm ready, I can dig in!
I have been pretty good about not volunteering and making time to create ATCs and participate in artistic pursuits. Those two goals are going quite well!
no comprende espanol. ugh. I'd love to be bilingual. It's hard without someone to speak with around. We'll see if I keep these after the half-way point of the year.
I've been reading in feminist theory and that is going swimmingly well, too. I'm taking notes, making connections to prior learning and generally enjoying what I read. That latest "anti-feminist" book that came out this year has prodded people back into action a bit, so that is exciting news for the field itself.
The peaks are pursuits for later in the year. Especially with the weather we've had this winter, tall peaks are going to be wet and running high with water long into the summer. We'll watch the weather and get on the trails as soon as we can! Chris and Henry and I are itching to be out there, so no waning on these goals! Chris wants to do Washington this year, too.
My house is relatively clean and organized. I'm spending lots of time with my kids and Chris and I have even stolen a few hours away alone here and there.
Bottom line:
WORKING NOT WORKING
lose weight graduate certificate coursework
ATCs and art Spanish
no volunteer time web design - so far!
4000 peaks
feminist reading
clean, organized
happy home and family
Not too bad for the first quarter! Let's see what I can turn around in the next three months.
What goals did you set? Can you remember them? What is working and what isn't? It's O.K. to take some things OFF the list or to substitute. How will you spend the remainder of the year?
A lot has happened in my life that will alter some of my goals for the remainder of the year, so I'll address each thing as I get to it.
The instructional design courses may be on hold for several reasons. There are no "excuses" I'd offer for this. Rather, I'd just say that things are taking different directions and funds are needed for other important family things, thus grad school remains "on hold."
With regard to weight loss and exercise, I'm still in fits and starts. I'm eating much better than ever, so that in itself is a major accomplishment. I've kept off weight I've lost and have lost some since January.
I've done nothing with web design, other than struggle to learn to use a few new software programs and that has taken time from learning html. I have my book, though, so any time I'm ready, I can dig in!
I have been pretty good about not volunteering and making time to create ATCs and participate in artistic pursuits. Those two goals are going quite well!
no comprende espanol. ugh. I'd love to be bilingual. It's hard without someone to speak with around. We'll see if I keep these after the half-way point of the year.
I've been reading in feminist theory and that is going swimmingly well, too. I'm taking notes, making connections to prior learning and generally enjoying what I read. That latest "anti-feminist" book that came out this year has prodded people back into action a bit, so that is exciting news for the field itself.
The peaks are pursuits for later in the year. Especially with the weather we've had this winter, tall peaks are going to be wet and running high with water long into the summer. We'll watch the weather and get on the trails as soon as we can! Chris and Henry and I are itching to be out there, so no waning on these goals! Chris wants to do Washington this year, too.
My house is relatively clean and organized. I'm spending lots of time with my kids and Chris and I have even stolen a few hours away alone here and there.
Bottom line:
WORKING NOT WORKING
lose weight graduate certificate coursework
ATCs and art Spanish
no volunteer time web design - so far!
4000 peaks
feminist reading
clean, organized
happy home and family
Not too bad for the first quarter! Let's see what I can turn around in the next three months.
What goals did you set? Can you remember them? What is working and what isn't? It's O.K. to take some things OFF the list or to substitute. How will you spend the remainder of the year?
Monday, April 18, 2011
Tyger, Tyger Dreaming Bright*, Mother Tiger Will Rain on that Parade
Like Amy Chua, I am a tiger mother, of sorts. Rather than kill the aspirations to FB presence and sleepovers, I instead kill dreams. Well, I'd like to sound a little less severe than that, but that is how my sixteen-year-old would dramatize it. I'd rather say that I rain a bit on the dream parade. I only rain reality, nothing toxic. And, well, if a dream cannot withstand a few droplets, then of what was it made in the first place?
We've gone from actress to event planner, with a few pit stops into things like wedding planner and cook in between. And, on every single one, I've rained.
I can't help it. For one thing, all those horoscopes, whether you believe them or not, claim that I'm destined to realism to a fault. Anyone who knows me well enough will agree on this point. I am extremely realistic, and yes, to an extreme that might be considered a negative personality trait. To demonstrate a rather mild example, no one "passes on" from my life, they die. There is no "transition" but death. Period. When I offer condolences to friends, I say, flatly, "I'm sorry that your mother died" because that is what happened. I don't offer sympathy for a "loss."
As usual, I digress. I read a post from a friend on FB that sums this all up quite nicely. The friend posted a snippet from a book Tina Fey wrote. There is a little poem/prayer wherein Fey asks the god in which she believes to lead her daughter away from acting, but not all the way to finance. Exactly. She wants her daughter to have autonomy at work and to find meaning in her work. This is what I want for my daughter, too. And, like Fey, when my daughter asks me just what exactly is this work I want for her, I don't have an answer because like Fey, I'd be doing it myself if I knew. (For the most part, I do have work that I love. I can't complain. My work requires my brain and compassion. It spreads positive things out into the world, and I never, ever have to wear heels for it.)
My daughter complains that I rain on her parade all the time and naysay every career she presents, every college major she conjures. Maybe I'm not even raining exactly, but rather making sure she's got an umbrella for the rain that might show up on her parade once she's actually doing one of these things as a major in college or out in the real world for some kind of pay. I'm saying to her (with my less-positive words) that every job has its issues, for it is called work for a reason. It's not that I don't want to encourage her, but rather that I want to make sure she wants whatever it is bad enough that the naysays and bad days don't ruin her overall parade.
*The spelling and repetition of Tyger are in reference to the William Blake poem which is interpreted as being about creation and how innocence is lost to experience. This is pertinent not only to the Amy Chua book but also to my lamenting on how I might help my daughter move from doe-eyed views of life and work to more practical, realistic views without simultaneously killing her dreams and aspirations.
We've gone from actress to event planner, with a few pit stops into things like wedding planner and cook in between. And, on every single one, I've rained.
I can't help it. For one thing, all those horoscopes, whether you believe them or not, claim that I'm destined to realism to a fault. Anyone who knows me well enough will agree on this point. I am extremely realistic, and yes, to an extreme that might be considered a negative personality trait. To demonstrate a rather mild example, no one "passes on" from my life, they die. There is no "transition" but death. Period. When I offer condolences to friends, I say, flatly, "I'm sorry that your mother died" because that is what happened. I don't offer sympathy for a "loss."
As usual, I digress. I read a post from a friend on FB that sums this all up quite nicely. The friend posted a snippet from a book Tina Fey wrote. There is a little poem/prayer wherein Fey asks the god in which she believes to lead her daughter away from acting, but not all the way to finance. Exactly. She wants her daughter to have autonomy at work and to find meaning in her work. This is what I want for my daughter, too. And, like Fey, when my daughter asks me just what exactly is this work I want for her, I don't have an answer because like Fey, I'd be doing it myself if I knew. (For the most part, I do have work that I love. I can't complain. My work requires my brain and compassion. It spreads positive things out into the world, and I never, ever have to wear heels for it.)
My daughter complains that I rain on her parade all the time and naysay every career she presents, every college major she conjures. Maybe I'm not even raining exactly, but rather making sure she's got an umbrella for the rain that might show up on her parade once she's actually doing one of these things as a major in college or out in the real world for some kind of pay. I'm saying to her (with my less-positive words) that every job has its issues, for it is called work for a reason. It's not that I don't want to encourage her, but rather that I want to make sure she wants whatever it is bad enough that the naysays and bad days don't ruin her overall parade.
*The spelling and repetition of Tyger are in reference to the William Blake poem which is interpreted as being about creation and how innocence is lost to experience. This is pertinent not only to the Amy Chua book but also to my lamenting on how I might help my daughter move from doe-eyed views of life and work to more practical, realistic views without simultaneously killing her dreams and aspirations.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Higher and Higher: the Cost of Education
Earlier today, I read an article about the owner of PayPal and his "prediction" about what he's calling the "education bubble." Since he is the owner of PayPal, he gets press, as the article itself indicates. However, his other prediction, that of the real estate bubble, is also touted in the article. That is something that I "knew" about long before the actual meltdown because anyone with common sense could figure it out.
I will digress to that to support my points about education. I worked in the industry for a title insurance company just before and during the real estate boom. As the company grew moon-eyed about the future expansion they saw in the large numbers and extra zeros tagged onto selling and buying prices, I was the naysayer. They looked at me with disdain, who was I but a lowly paralegal? However, that lowly paralegal status was accompanied by a lowly paralegal salary, one that was above the "national average" (a joke of a number if there ever was one). That national average salary, though, spoke loud and clear to me. It told me that housing prices could not possibly continue to increase unless the average salary also continued to increase, which was already not happening. Thus, there would come a time when the average salary could not ever cover the average mortgage, especially within a thirty-year term. For a time, this was fixed with balloon mortgages and that fun little product of interest-only mortgages for the first few years of the loan. Those scared the crap out of me. I mean, you're telling me that you cannot afford a mortgage in a particular amount itself, and that by paying interest only for the first two, three, or five years, you will miraculously increase in income and the house will also increase in value while interest rates (since all of those were, of course, adjustable after the initial interest-free period) would remain low? Sure! And, if I had been unscrupulous, I might have had a few bridges or waterfront Florida properties to sell people.
So, while Mr. PayPal was making this claim in the news (and for the record, I never saw that in the news at the time), I, too, was saying, "the addition and subtraction doesn't work!" You can't take a $60,000 salary and buy a $500,000 house and pay nothing for the first five years but interest and THEN start paying on the principal and interest. That salary cannot support it. Yet, the common belief was that your salary would increase, oh, and that your house would also increase in value, allowing a refinance at that crucial two, three or five-year mark. What? Again, the numbers did not add up for me. I said this aloud to anyone who would listen, yet it fell on deaf ears. I was the silly one, they said. I would see housing values increase and salaries, too.
Then, low and behold, Mr. PayPal and I were proven right. Not only did houses quickly decrease in value, but salaries also decreased in that same timeframe. The common-sense-first-grade-math prevailed. The housing boom and bust drastically effected the middle class since the more expensive houses never saw the drastic increase, nor suffered from the foreclosure mess that ensued since the loans for those houses were never the interest-only kind. The education situation will be the same.
My prediction is this: community college participation will increase at some point in the coming ten years, as well online education. These will be popular for middle class high school graduates for a number of reasons. Parents of the most recent and next ten years of graduates will see the futile nature of a degree from a private college that costs more than the student will make in the first five years after graduation. So many college graduates are living at home burdened by student loans and healthcare insurance requirements. They share cars or use public transportation and delay marriage because they cannot afford the apartment on just two salaries. And, let's face it, being newlyweds at home with mom and dad or in an apartment with roommates is not the romantic vision any of us have.
I see friends looking at college acceptance letters without any financial aid offerings other than loans for themselves and their children with tuition bills upwards of $55,000.00. Even if they can pay half that every year from savings, by cashing in retirement accounts and re-mortgaging their homes (if they have the equity) and their regular salaries, they are still left sharing $100,000.00 in debt upon their child's graduation. If the average first job pays a quarter of that, or less, not counting the cost of health insurance, how does the student or his parents pay that back? It's the equivalent of a person making $25,000.00 a year taking out a mortgage of $100,000.00. Sure, there is deferment and interest-only payment periods for student loans. Yet, doesn't that sound strangely familiar?
To prove my point with numbers, I sought out a mortgage qualification calculator online. When I enter the $25,000.00 salary, which assumes very little credit card debt and a $300 car payment, I only qualify for a mortgage of $48,739, which makes my payment $350 a month. If I keep increasing my salary to attempt to reach that $100,000 school loan debt, it tells me that I cannot get a mortgage for $100,000 unless I make at least $40,000 a year, which is still an $800 a month payment.
Thus, if we translate this to student loan terms, a person who will graduate and make $25,000 a year should have no more than $48,000 in debt. Even this is an exaggeration since student loan debt cannot possibly take $350 of the monthly earnings and still allow a person to rent an apartment, have a car payment, any other debt or save anything at all, never mind the cost of health insurance being thrown in to the mix. The only students who can afford to graduate with $100,000 in debt are those who will enter the job market making at least $40,000. This, again, assumes that a car loan is low, there is no other debt and I'm not sure, still, where health insurance or rent comes from when $800 a month goes to student loans from a $40,000 a year salary.
Unless parents make enough to actually pay for a child's college education, student loans should be examined for the long-term before they are taken on by a family or a student. Community colleges solve this issue for the middle class. They might actually "payoff" in other ways, as well, in the end. Most students who attend community college also work, in some capacity, while in school. This work experience just might help them flesh out a resume once a four-year degree is attained. Living at home and commuting to school might not seem glamorous at a time when an emerging adult wants nothing more than to get out of the house. However, living at home for two years and then finishing college might make it so you can afford to live away from home after finishing four years of college.
With regard to the online option, once a student is working, likely making a car payment to get to and from school, thus also establishing credit and demonstrating responsibility, he or she might not want to give all of that up to go live on a campus. He or she might decide to complete the last two years of his or her degree online or at night which will allow him or her to continue working, making that car payment and then, upon graduation, situate the person for employment that is higher paying than his or her peers who are saddled with enormous debt and no on-the-job experience or training.
While I'm sharing the information here as I consider these options for my own children, I don't fear the rush to community college immediately. Too many of us are fearful of an alternative path to higher education. There will be many students living at home upon losing student status. There will be fewer options for "jobs they love" over "jobs that pay" for many people due to student loans.
A few people, like Mr. PayPal were smart enough to look past the bubble with real estate and are smart enough to realize the more sinister bubble of the higher cost of higher education. This bubble is more sinister because it preys upon parents just as it seduces our children. It will rob not only our future, but also theirs, the one we work so hard to secure, protect and fortify. Your child may not appreciate the seeming drudgery of living at home yet two or possibly four more years while his or her friends leave for exotic locales and post on Facebook what-looks-like-fun pictures of parties with cryptic phrases that hint at shared jokes and memories being made. Yet, four years later, when your child not only lands a better paying job and can "finally" move out, his or her friends will likely be coming home, after that taste of freedom, to the bitter reality of those "FB" moments as nostalgic times compared to the loan bills that start pouring in and the not-so-fantastic paycheck that is somehow supposed to cover those loans.
Then, it will be your child's turn to post on FB about his or her real-life travels to exotic locales, his or her thrill at living on his or her own for the first time and his or her carefree attitude that exists because the student loan bills are easy to cover and/or non-existent. It's a delayed-gratification thing that doesn't much appeal these days. Yet, like Mr. PayPal, I predict the cost of a college education will at some point "burst" and be deemed not so valuable.
(Oh, and remember I'm talking about the cost, not the value. That is an entirely different topic. While I have student loans myself, the value of my education, for me as a person, is incalculable. I don't think twice about what Sallie Mae pulls from my checking account each month. It was worth every dime. Yes, I graduated from a private college, but also took the smarter route with community and state college courses making up the bulk of the first two years of that final degree. For me, it's kind of like buying the $50 EMS fleece jacker instead of the "N" brand for at least twice that amount. The weight of the fleece, not the name on the shoulder is what really makes a difference. I get the benefit and the value this way.)
I will digress to that to support my points about education. I worked in the industry for a title insurance company just before and during the real estate boom. As the company grew moon-eyed about the future expansion they saw in the large numbers and extra zeros tagged onto selling and buying prices, I was the naysayer. They looked at me with disdain, who was I but a lowly paralegal? However, that lowly paralegal status was accompanied by a lowly paralegal salary, one that was above the "national average" (a joke of a number if there ever was one). That national average salary, though, spoke loud and clear to me. It told me that housing prices could not possibly continue to increase unless the average salary also continued to increase, which was already not happening. Thus, there would come a time when the average salary could not ever cover the average mortgage, especially within a thirty-year term. For a time, this was fixed with balloon mortgages and that fun little product of interest-only mortgages for the first few years of the loan. Those scared the crap out of me. I mean, you're telling me that you cannot afford a mortgage in a particular amount itself, and that by paying interest only for the first two, three, or five years, you will miraculously increase in income and the house will also increase in value while interest rates (since all of those were, of course, adjustable after the initial interest-free period) would remain low? Sure! And, if I had been unscrupulous, I might have had a few bridges or waterfront Florida properties to sell people.
So, while Mr. PayPal was making this claim in the news (and for the record, I never saw that in the news at the time), I, too, was saying, "the addition and subtraction doesn't work!" You can't take a $60,000 salary and buy a $500,000 house and pay nothing for the first five years but interest and THEN start paying on the principal and interest. That salary cannot support it. Yet, the common belief was that your salary would increase, oh, and that your house would also increase in value, allowing a refinance at that crucial two, three or five-year mark. What? Again, the numbers did not add up for me. I said this aloud to anyone who would listen, yet it fell on deaf ears. I was the silly one, they said. I would see housing values increase and salaries, too.
Then, low and behold, Mr. PayPal and I were proven right. Not only did houses quickly decrease in value, but salaries also decreased in that same timeframe. The common-sense-first-grade-math prevailed. The housing boom and bust drastically effected the middle class since the more expensive houses never saw the drastic increase, nor suffered from the foreclosure mess that ensued since the loans for those houses were never the interest-only kind. The education situation will be the same.
My prediction is this: community college participation will increase at some point in the coming ten years, as well online education. These will be popular for middle class high school graduates for a number of reasons. Parents of the most recent and next ten years of graduates will see the futile nature of a degree from a private college that costs more than the student will make in the first five years after graduation. So many college graduates are living at home burdened by student loans and healthcare insurance requirements. They share cars or use public transportation and delay marriage because they cannot afford the apartment on just two salaries. And, let's face it, being newlyweds at home with mom and dad or in an apartment with roommates is not the romantic vision any of us have.
I see friends looking at college acceptance letters without any financial aid offerings other than loans for themselves and their children with tuition bills upwards of $55,000.00. Even if they can pay half that every year from savings, by cashing in retirement accounts and re-mortgaging their homes (if they have the equity) and their regular salaries, they are still left sharing $100,000.00 in debt upon their child's graduation. If the average first job pays a quarter of that, or less, not counting the cost of health insurance, how does the student or his parents pay that back? It's the equivalent of a person making $25,000.00 a year taking out a mortgage of $100,000.00. Sure, there is deferment and interest-only payment periods for student loans. Yet, doesn't that sound strangely familiar?
To prove my point with numbers, I sought out a mortgage qualification calculator online. When I enter the $25,000.00 salary, which assumes very little credit card debt and a $300 car payment, I only qualify for a mortgage of $48,739, which makes my payment $350 a month. If I keep increasing my salary to attempt to reach that $100,000 school loan debt, it tells me that I cannot get a mortgage for $100,000 unless I make at least $40,000 a year, which is still an $800 a month payment.
Thus, if we translate this to student loan terms, a person who will graduate and make $25,000 a year should have no more than $48,000 in debt. Even this is an exaggeration since student loan debt cannot possibly take $350 of the monthly earnings and still allow a person to rent an apartment, have a car payment, any other debt or save anything at all, never mind the cost of health insurance being thrown in to the mix. The only students who can afford to graduate with $100,000 in debt are those who will enter the job market making at least $40,000. This, again, assumes that a car loan is low, there is no other debt and I'm not sure, still, where health insurance or rent comes from when $800 a month goes to student loans from a $40,000 a year salary.
Unless parents make enough to actually pay for a child's college education, student loans should be examined for the long-term before they are taken on by a family or a student. Community colleges solve this issue for the middle class. They might actually "payoff" in other ways, as well, in the end. Most students who attend community college also work, in some capacity, while in school. This work experience just might help them flesh out a resume once a four-year degree is attained. Living at home and commuting to school might not seem glamorous at a time when an emerging adult wants nothing more than to get out of the house. However, living at home for two years and then finishing college might make it so you can afford to live away from home after finishing four years of college.
With regard to the online option, once a student is working, likely making a car payment to get to and from school, thus also establishing credit and demonstrating responsibility, he or she might not want to give all of that up to go live on a campus. He or she might decide to complete the last two years of his or her degree online or at night which will allow him or her to continue working, making that car payment and then, upon graduation, situate the person for employment that is higher paying than his or her peers who are saddled with enormous debt and no on-the-job experience or training.
While I'm sharing the information here as I consider these options for my own children, I don't fear the rush to community college immediately. Too many of us are fearful of an alternative path to higher education. There will be many students living at home upon losing student status. There will be fewer options for "jobs they love" over "jobs that pay" for many people due to student loans.
A few people, like Mr. PayPal were smart enough to look past the bubble with real estate and are smart enough to realize the more sinister bubble of the higher cost of higher education. This bubble is more sinister because it preys upon parents just as it seduces our children. It will rob not only our future, but also theirs, the one we work so hard to secure, protect and fortify. Your child may not appreciate the seeming drudgery of living at home yet two or possibly four more years while his or her friends leave for exotic locales and post on Facebook what-looks-like-fun pictures of parties with cryptic phrases that hint at shared jokes and memories being made. Yet, four years later, when your child not only lands a better paying job and can "finally" move out, his or her friends will likely be coming home, after that taste of freedom, to the bitter reality of those "FB" moments as nostalgic times compared to the loan bills that start pouring in and the not-so-fantastic paycheck that is somehow supposed to cover those loans.
Then, it will be your child's turn to post on FB about his or her real-life travels to exotic locales, his or her thrill at living on his or her own for the first time and his or her carefree attitude that exists because the student loan bills are easy to cover and/or non-existent. It's a delayed-gratification thing that doesn't much appeal these days. Yet, like Mr. PayPal, I predict the cost of a college education will at some point "burst" and be deemed not so valuable.
(Oh, and remember I'm talking about the cost, not the value. That is an entirely different topic. While I have student loans myself, the value of my education, for me as a person, is incalculable. I don't think twice about what Sallie Mae pulls from my checking account each month. It was worth every dime. Yes, I graduated from a private college, but also took the smarter route with community and state college courses making up the bulk of the first two years of that final degree. For me, it's kind of like buying the $50 EMS fleece jacker instead of the "N" brand for at least twice that amount. The weight of the fleece, not the name on the shoulder is what really makes a difference. I get the benefit and the value this way.)
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