Virtual Bodies: It's Unreal!

The latest controversy over women’s bodies doesn’t involve any actual women’s bodies, but rather virtual women. H&M, a clothing manufacturer, is using computer-generated women (and men) to advertise their clothing line. When the media got wind of this, posts began going up all over about the policy.

To defend their actions, H&M claimed the choice was made so that customers wouldn’t have to concentrate on the bodies in the ads but rather the clothing. I’m not sure about you, however, this is a conundrum I’ve faced, especially shopping online or from a catalog. I can’t say I don’t notice bodies in ads when clothing is advertised. Often, the bodies depicted, both male and female, are such rare specimens, it’s just like clicking over to see the picture attached to the headline about a giant squid species recently discovered. The bodies definitely don’t “sell” me the clothes because they’re so far from my own body in appearance that I can’t tell whether the clothes will look right on me or not until I try them on. Additionally, sizing plays a bigger role in whether I can or want to buy something I see since I own sized medium shirts that are loose and I have some extra-large shirts that are tight. Due to styling, I sometimes try on a shirt and no matter the size it is just not coming home. So, H&M is partly right, we do concentrate on bodies when we see ads online and in print, but also mostly for reasons different from their choice to use computer-generated people. We marvel at the lack of muscle tone in the arms and legs of women in Vogue and we see only men who apparently do nothing except sculpt their abs all day, in their underwear, holding a football and looking into the distance at who knows what.

H&M is right that we’re “distracted” by the bodies presented in clothing ads, but virtual, computer-generated bodies are not the solution. Real bodies, of men and women, are what all of us potential customers would like to see online and in catalogs and print advertising. We’d like the “Women of Dove” to model the clothes in the ads from department stores and in the Victoria’s Secret catalog. Only then will any of us be able to concentrate solely on the clothing and not on the bodies depicting it. When they put the height and weight of the model in small print and say what size she’s wearing and don’t pin the clothing like they do on mannequins in the stores, that’s when I’ll be able to concentrate exclusively on the clothing, as I won’t wonder whether it will fit or how it will look on a my REAL body, I’ll have a decent idea. In fact, I’d be more likely to order things online or from catalogs and I’d be less likely to have to return them, which any retailer should appreciate. While I realize my demographic is not the H&M’s focus, I think showing real teens and young adults of all shapes and sizes is still the best way for any clothing brand to sell its wares.

First published at http://www.hercircleezine.com/2011/12/15/virtual-bodies-its-unreal/

"Brick by Brick" Book Review and Reflection

BRICK BY BRICK: A WOMAN'S JOURNEY

BRICK BY BRICK: A WOMAN’S JOURNEY (Spinner, 2000) is a book you might have missed when it was published by a small press back in 2000. It is the story of Lynn Donohue, a woman who was not only the first woman bricklayer in the union in Massachusetts, but who also triumphed despite the odds being stacked—like heavy bricks—against her. Like the film, THE FIGHTER, BRICK BY BRICKis about a person from a small New England town and a dysfunctional family. In this memoir, Ms. Donohue tells how she went from being a high school drop out to a successful business owner.

While I think you’d do well to pick up her book if you want an uplifting but also honest memoir, Lynn’s story goes far beyond the memoir itself. After writing the book, and getting it published, Lynn went on to continue and complete her college education. She founded a non-profit organization in her home town of New Bedford, Massachusetts, the mission of which is to help kids who, like her, need a little help overcoming the barriers their socioeconomic situation places in their way.

Lynn’s story is not just about her becoming a woman bricklayer, and learning to build walls. Rather, it is about breaking down walls with the same kind of tenacity it takes to build them in the first place. Highlights of this book for me include when Lynn talks about telling guys on her early crews that one day, they’d work for her. Several of them did. This is also not merely a feel-good memoir about a rags-to-riches story. Lynn suffered serious and debilitating setbacks, including an injury at one point due to a serious fall. When Lynn describes going to work the next day, despite her intense pain, it feels like you get to see how Superwoman feels at the end of a day’s work. You get the real story behind what otherwise would be a single scene in a film, wherein our heroine triumphs. Instead, you have mixed emotions about the strength and emotional wherewithal required to move forward like Lynn did. You wonder whether you would have the same ability or drive if faced with the same circumstances. Lynn doesn’t just talk about going back to work; you feel her pain in her description.

LYNN DONOHUE

I attended the same college where Lynn earned her bachelor’s degree, and then went on to earn a Master’s. I was privileged to meet her personally and to witness one of her motivational presentations. She shared the “how” of making your dream job a reality in a lecture by the same title. BRICK BY BRICK gives more background information and lets you get to know a woman who truly did pave her own way, quite literally, to success, as she defines the word with her own personal terms. She exceeds the expectations of others by meeting her own.

Lynn wrote BRICK BY BRICK with the help of her long-time friend, Pamela Hunt. When I met Lynn, she explained how the idea for the book came about. She and Pam were taking a walk. They talked about Lynn’s life and how it would make a great book. Together, they set out to make that happen, too. This was all before Lynn had the self-confidence to pursue higher education.

In light of all the negative themes in the media today, I thought I’d share a gem with inContext readers—a gem of light and possibility. If you need some inspiration, some hope, then BRICK BY BRICK is sure to provide. Most assuredly, the path Lynn took was no yellow brick road. It was muddy, cold and hard. However, in the end, her story is a testament to all that is right with hard work and tenacity in the face of adversity. She is a woman who represents our gender well, and who figuratively paved the way for more women in male-dominated industries connected to construction.

First published: http://www.hercircleezine.com/2011/12/08/brick-by-brick-a-womans-journey/

"When She Woke" Book Review and Reflection

Hillary Jordan’s WHEN SHE WOKE (Algonquin, 2011) is timely in its publication as a reminder of all that is at stake in the continued fight to protect choice in the abortion debate. The book is promoted as a futuristic version of Hawthorne’s THE SCARLET LETTER, and could just as easily be described as another branch on the tree of feminist dystopian literature, a la Atwood’s THE HANDMAID’S TALE. WHEN SHE WOKE is a polemic about the dangers of religion mixing with government, and the resultant reversal of ROE V. WADE.

The story opens as Hannah Payne awakens in a holding cell, where she finds herself a bright red color. Hannah has been “chromed.” Chroming is the religious state’s answer to the problem of prisons. It is the process by which the convicted (yellow for misdemeanors, red for murder and blue for child molestation) are pigmented so that they may be released to society after a short confinement period. This confinement is televised, like a reality program. After the confinement, the “chromes” as they are referred to in the society, are released and must find some way to support their lives. Of course, many families shun their newly hued relatives so as to avoid further harassment by and embarrassment within the community.

Hannah has been chromed because she was caught after she procured an abortion. She sought an abortion in an effort to protect the identity of the baby’s father, the rock star minister, Aiden Dale, who is married. Abortion has become a crime because a venereal disease that caused infertility in women swept through the world. To assure survival of the human race, abortion is outlawed. It is in this way that the book is likeTHE HANDMAID’S TALE versus THE SCARLET LETTER.

We follow Hannah as she finds who remains supportive and who does not, once she is released from her prison stay. She befriends a fellow “red” and they attempt to escape the fate of their skin color. The world is a dangerous place for female reds, as they are all pigmented for seeking abortions. We glimpse at what life might be like if abortion were criminalized through WHEN SHE WOKE. It is a scary world, indeed.

There are halfway houses touted as religious safe-havens. The one in which Hannah finds herself is run by a sadistic couple who merely use religious terminology to mete out bizarre punishment. Women begin the program by stripping naked. They are then brought before a crowd of the other program residents. They are forced to describe their stories to the mistress of the house in a manner that is mentally torturous. More anguish is inflicted as the women are forced to create dolls and name them in an effort to supposedly eradicate the evil of their murderous selves.

Hannah escapes the program with a fellow “red,” Kayla. Their freedom is short-lived as the society in which they live includes a vigilante group bent on killing criminals. Their doomed fate is interrupted by a protective group, one in which female reds are transported north to Canada on a re-imagined underground railroad. There are instances of deception along the way. The wayward son of a prominent feminist sells red women for prostitution, as revenge for the abandonment he felt as a child. Hannah and Kayla face many challenges along the path to freedom, and encounter or seek side trips to resolve other issues.

As a warning for a future in which women lose the right to control their bodies, WHEN SHE WOKE is a solid contribution to the cannon of literature that cautions us against allowing religion to become government, for government to be able and actively monitoring all citizens, and for a future in which our reactions to plagues or violence lead us to lose our rational minds and submit to irrational tactics to seemingly solve our inability to comprehend or live with ambiguity. There are some areas in which the novel might have contributed more solidly to general dystopian literature, rather than concentrating on the feminist branch of the genre. For example, learning more about a future society in which citizens are pigmented to signify their crimes so that prisons can be eliminated is a topic that deserves more than mere mention. One cannot help but wonder about a society that claims godliness as its basis yet the murder of “blue” child molesters is never investigated as a crime. One cannot help but also wonder about other reds, male murderers or female murderers, not just those who seek abortion or provide it. We never encounter a red female who has not had an abortion.

We can essentially “close” the abortion and religion as government issues the book raises. Yes, we get the author’s point that religion as government is frightening to those of us who put personal liberty and secular rule above any religious beliefs we might hold. We clearly understand the author’s position on abortion and choice. I don’t want these comments to make the book seem formulaic. The story itself is compelling, and even with the tiny annoyances, such as the literary convention in so many fiction books wherein a person easily finds clothes that fit when they must change what they’re wearing, mostly because the harrowing situation in which the protagonist finds him or herself causes weight loss, and allows for even large clothes to of course easily be adjusted to their thin body.

Regardless of these details, wherein I wanted further exploration of this frightening view of a possible future lacking a right to an abortion or more information about a society that sought alternative means to prisons, even a prospect as gruesome as “chroming,” these desires merely indicate my appreciation of the book itself. While some critics have written the book off as one that book groups or feminist classes might read and argue about where abortion rights are concerned, I think there is a lot more for conversation and consideration within the book. Possibly, it is better that Jordan does not give us more details about the chroming of criminals, for we can take just this premise and think about it long after the book is closed. In fact, I plan to suggest WHEN SHE WOKE to my own book group not so much as to discuss the abortion issue as to seek other opinions and thoughts about the principles behind chroming, and whether that might ever be considered constitutional, or how it could come to be legal.

I continue to think about Hannah’s view of feminism as something vile, as discussed on pages 206-207 of the book. It seems in this dystopian future, the religious government manages to continue to defame feminism and feminists. I want to explore more of that. I also want to consider the character who becomes a part of the underground railroad meant to save women who’ve sought abortions, and who betrays the group as revenge for his feminist mother’s actions. It seems, too, that in this future, mothers are reviled for not focusing enough on their children. These are small details in WHEN SHE WOKE, yet they are the thoughts that remain with me and upon which I continue to reflect.

First published http://www.hercircleezine.com/2011/12/01/when-she-woke/

Tweets Lassoed by Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader Organization

During one of the Thanksgiving football games, a Dallas Cowboys player (Jason Witten) accidentally tackled Melissa Kellerman, a cheerleader for the team. It seemed at the time that she was not injured. Over the weekend, Ms. Kellerman made a couple of humorous tweets about the incident, and assured everyone following her Twitter feed that she was doing just fine. When the cheerleader organization got wind of her tweets, they forced her to close down her Twitter account.

Several media outlets, including sports journalists, have been outraged that the Cowboys cheerleading organization would force Kellerman to delete her Twitter account when her comments were not negative or accusatory or did not otherwise defame the player, the team or the cheerleading organization itself. In fact, her comments confirmed that regardless of whether she did actually sustain any bruises or soreness after the incident, her sense of humor was intact. A few reporters wrote about the need for self “branding” by cheerleaders, who typically view the position as a gateway to other pursuits, since they’re clearly not doing the work for the money.

The Dallas Cowboys pay one hundred and fifty dollars per game, require cheerleaders to arrive more than two hours prior to a game, and to attend evening rehearsals, which are mandatory and unpaid. They are also required to attend charity events without pay. They receive some compensation for appearances, yet that information is vague on the website.

Kellerman is an education major, so I am not sure whether she plans to coach cheering as part of her teaching career, or what motivated her to join the Cowboys cheerleaders. Maybe teaching is just a fallback career in the event her acting career doesn’t take off. I’m speculating here about Kellerman’s motives in an attempt to understand why she would allow the organization to require her to close her personal Twitter account, on which she said nothing negative or damaging about anything or anyone connected to the Dallas Cowboys or their cheerleading organization.

Regardless of her or the motives of others for cheering, it seems absurd that the organization would have a problem with what she said or how she said it via her Twitter account. Additionally, since cheerleaders are known to use cheering as a stepping-stone to other entertainment careers, the self-branding a Twitter account provides is considered de rigueur for the industry. Since the cheerleading organization is not speaking with press, we can only imagine their motives. It is possible that they want the women on the squad to be seen and not heard, unless they’re cheering on the field for the team.

While news outlets reported that Kellerman was forced to close her account on Twitter, I wonder about that. Why not walk away from cheering if it pays so little, is so demanding of your time, and on top of that, seeks to limit what you can say and how you can say it in your own private life managing your own career? Sure, Kellerman has many online and print news outlets vying for her, as it is apparent that she cannot speak up for herself. Has Kellerman been not only tackled by Witten, but also sidelined by the Dallas Cowboys cheerleading organization? I suppose we may never know, since if she’s been banned from Twitter, I assume she’s been told not to speak with reporters about this latest incident, as well.

First published at: http://www.hercircleezine.com/2011/12/01/tweets-lassoed-by-dallas-cowboys-cheerleader-organization/

Rape Culture: Evidence for Consideration

Feminist scholars are often quoted in the lay press claiming ours as a “rape culture.” The basis for this is argued and often misunderstood. Simply stated, this means that violence and mistreatment of women is ubiquitous to our society and culture. No one wants to live with that reality, and because we lack the ability to meta-analyze the underpinnings of our culture, because it is what we live, we tend to dismiss it after lamenting its sorry truth. This is evident in recent headlines about the past behaviors of the Republican candidate for President of the United States, Herman Cain.

The scope of this article is not to discuss whether these allegations or claims are merely political weapons in an effort to derail a politician’s ambitions. Rather, my focus is to use this scandal and the statements made by Cain and others in support of him to prove the ways in which our culture demeans women. This is a “wake up” message, in a way, using a contemporary, current event to explore the concept of what is known as “rape culture.” Sexual harassment, in its essence, is unwanted sexual advance (amongst other things) and is a form of violence most often committed against women.

Herman Cain has a documented history of sexual harassment. Despite his denial of particular instances or allegations, and whether we want to use terms such as claiming him as being found “guilty” versus merely stating that claims against him were substantiated, the bottom line is that payouts were made in an effort at reparations for women who sought restitution for Mr. Cain’s actions. This is undeniable, as the paperwork exists to prove it in a government agency. Whether some of the other allegations that have now surfaced are true remains to be seen. Thus, regardless of whether anyone who wishes to see Mr. Cain elected wants to admit to at least two documented instances, they remain viable proof of serious, founded, evidentiary-supported claims of sexual misconduct, which warranted settlement.

Political pundits discuss all of this with an air of detachment. Their focus is on whether Mr. Cain can “recover” from the political blow this information causes his campaign efforts. They compare the situation to that of allegations against Bill Clinton in his bid for the presidency. Republican or “right” leaning radio talk programs claim the media as biased as they helped the public overlook Mr. Clinton’s dalliances in favor of a Democratic president. What do his personal issues have to do with him serving as president? How did his treatment of employees have anything to do with the job of President of the United States? These were questions that were asked. The Right wants to have these same questions posed of their candidate, Herman Cain.

All of this proves the rape culture and a culture of violence against women in our society. That people would even ask about overlooking a man’s treatment of women in favor of his abilities to run the country proves that women are still second-class citizens. The good of the country comes before victimization of women. That political pundits would ignore the situation of sexual harassment and merely examine allegations of sexual harassment in terms of whether a candidate can recover from them, also points toward an acceptance of this kind of behavior. The media supporting a Republican agenda and candidate is correct in asking how the leftist, Democratic-learning media can cry foul about Mr. Cain’s past while glossing over that of Mr. Clinton.

The ubiquity of acceptance of sexual harassment was driven home to me not by these political news reports, but rather by an advertisement for a well-known coffee and donut shop, especially in New England. A recent radio spot raves about the company’s hot chocolate as New England heads into winter. It uses subtle behavior that could be construed as sexual harassment to sell its wares. The commercial on the radio begins with a male, who we are to assume is a co-worker in the way the ad is set up, who asks something to the effect of, “Do you want to get cozy?” A female responds in a surprised and mock-offended manner. The male voice then claims he means with a cup of hot chocolate, professing his innocence in asking the question. The female acquiesces and responds affirmatively that coziness with hot chocolate is acceptable to her. The commercial ends with the male voice then asking the female to dinner, which she declines. This indicates innuendo, which, in a workplace, could be construed as sexual harassment, or at the least the beginning of what might come to be unwanted advances by a coworker upon another coworker. That we use innuendo that is linked to workplace behavior of a sexual nature in our advertising proves our acceptance of this kind of flirtatiousness that can lead to or be misconstrued as sexual harassment, depending on individual circumstances and specific situations. It is no wonder that Mrs. Cain can hear her husband make jokes about Anita Hill in response to the surfacing of his history of sexual harassment and still claim her husband incapable of such acts, as they would indicate disrespect for women, which she does not find within his character. It seems that if we continue to embrace or ignore behaviors that are related to violence or demeaning acts toward women in our candidates for president, and we use sexual innuendo in the workplace to sell hot chocolate, we cannot escape the rape culture in which we live.

As a parting thought, what if Herman Cain was purported to have said exactly what the male voice in the radio ad said to a coworker? We would deem the behavior reprehensible? Yet, do we even truly hear this same kind of thing when advertisements come on the radio, on television or in print? Do we recognize what we’d determine as offensive and dismissive toward women when it is part of advertising? It seems we only care when it can be helpful or harmful to the political candidate of our choice. These all serve as incidences of our rape culture, our society that is dismissive of women, especially where the needs of advertising or running the government are concerned.

First published: http://www.hercircleezine.com/2011/11/24/rape-culture-evidence-for-consideration/

Happiness is Learning

Another thing on my "favorite things" list is learning. I could be considered an addict where learning is concerned. I can't ever stop learning. It brings me joy immeasurable even while it is never sated. I guess that's the thing that saves me from it being a debilitating addiction. It's o.k. that it is never done, because the quest for learning itself feeds me something positive. The only negative is that I am distracted from some tasks in my quest for knowledge, or late to appointments because I'm reading...

I'm taking a graduate social work course this semester. We're learning about therapeutic modalities, and we've done a lot of journal article reading. These articles have lots of statistics, charts, and graphs full of coding information that is still a bit foreign to me. I'm definitely a qualitative versus quantitative researcher. Sure, those large-scale results are important. I am so glad someone ELSE does that work, just give me a good story any day! (Return from tangent...) The articles were informative, showing efficacy of using particular modalities with specific populations. They gave lots of details about how the modalities work and described them in detail.

It was all "good theory" to have. Then, the presenter my professor scheduled for class did something magical: he took all that "stuff" I've read for a couple of weeks and whipped it into something practical and something that made sense. It was that "a-ha!" moment I so love in learning. Now, I get it. I see how all this works, where it applies, how it applies, and I am elated, walking on air. I'm excited for my future. I'm driven to succeed and just amazed that I am learning this stuff.

It's not just my class, either. I love to read and learn things. I cannot live without learning. I question people who are learning-resistant. I don't understand that kind of thought process. Sure, there are things I do not learn, like mathematical concepts, unless they apply directly and specifically to my life. I have my preferences secured in the humanities. Yet, I don't care what or where it is, learning is part of my fiber. If I had to think about those "sum yourself up in a single word" kinds of questions we all abhor at interviews or on applications, at this point, I realize I finally have a word for myself. What am I? Who am I? I'm a learner. At the most base level, that is what and who I am. And, I am so very happy, grateful, joyful to be a learner.

"Now I See the Moon" Book Review and Reflection

NOW I SEE THE MOON BY ELAINE HALL

When I first received NOW I SEE THE MOON by Elaine Hall with Elizabeth Kaye (Harper, 2010), I was taken aback. I’d been in contact with a person in Harper’s publicity department, and explained that I’d be glad to review books she thought might work well for inContext. A memoir about a woman whose child has autism did not seem like something that would work. Besides that, I had zero interest in reading about autism. Autism was something other parents I knew dealt with, and something about which I was otherwise blissfully unaware. The title of the book intrigued me, though, and so I opened the cover to find that the author chose the title due to her appreciation for a quote I, too, happen to find meaningful: BARN’S BURNT DOWN—NOW I CAN SEE THE MOON, Mizuta Masahide. This connection allowed me to put aside my preconceived notions of what else I might find in this book. Am I ever glad I gave it a chance!

While NOW I SEE THE MOON is definitely a must-read for any parent whose child has a disability or special needs of any kind, and especially autism, it is also a compelling story of a strong, independent, incredible woman. Once a child acting coach, Hall adopted a Russian orphan when she learned she could not conceive and carry a child of her own. We see her marriage fall apart as the stresses of a special needs child exposes the cracks that were in the thin veneer of her relationship with her first husband. Even as Hall loses her mother, attempts many times to “cure” her son and then is finally divorced, we see an indomitable spirit shine through it all. Just when you believe Hall’s optimism is superhuman, she reveals herself a whole, and thus flawed, striving and beautiful human being.

Once divorced, Hall goes out with friends and is seated next to a man she finds attractive. She attends a sing-a-long showing of a musical film, and describes the scene:

THROUGHOUT THE MOVIE, WE LAUGH AND SING. AT ONE POINT I THINK, “WHAT A CUTE GUY.” BY THEN, I’M SINGING SO LOUDLY AND BEING SO ‘OUT THERE’ THAT I WONDER IF I OUGHT TO BE A BIT MORE “LADYLIKE” AND TONE MYSELF DOWN. BUT INSTEAD OF HARKING TO MY INNER CRITIC, I HEED A VOICE WITHIN ME THAT SHOUTS, “YOU MUST NEVER HOLD YOURSELF BACK. YOU CAN NEVER, EVER AGAIN MAKE YOURSELF LESS THAN YOU ARE TO PLEASE A MAN.” SO I STAY BIG AND LOUD, AND WE LAUGH AND JOKE. LATER I’LL LEARN THAT JEFF IS ATTRACTED TO ME PRECISELY BECAUSE I’M SO OUT THERE, AND UNINHIBITED.

This is one example of the strong, independent woman we find in the author as we read this extraordinary memoir. At the same time, Hall is human and when she and Jeff date for a time and then part ways, she is hesitant to meet up with him again. She describes how she makes sure she has appointments within an hour of their meeting time so that she is forced to move on and not linger, yet she dresses in a way she believes he’ll find attractive. She admits to us as readers, “You can see that my attitude about seeing him is kind of mixed up.” Even while she does not edit herself when seeking a partner, she is just as confused as anyone might be with mixed feelings when the relationship seems to have ended, yet there exists some promise of it continuing.

Despite the fact that Hall was financially dependent on her first husband, and when they divorced she suffered financially and emotionally since she gave up her career to care for their autistic child, she is still willing to consider marriage again due to the nature of her relationship with Jeff. When they do marry, she says,

THIS TIME, I DON’T WANT TO BE THE “WIFE.” I LIKE THE TITLE “PARTNER.” PARTNER IS JUST THAT, AN EQUAL. FOR ME, THE TERM “WIFE” CONJURES UP GENERATIONS OF SUBSERVIENCE, OF GIVING UP “ME” TO BE LOVED BY “YOU.” I HAVE WORKED TOO HARD, TOO LONG, TO GIVE UP EVEN A SMIDGEN OF MY LONG-FOUGHT-FOR IDENTITY. PARTNER, I AM. PARTNER, HE IS. PARTNER, WE DO. MY TASK, AND MY PRIVILEGE, IS TO CHERISH MY PARTNER FOR EXACTLY WHO HE IS.

While Hall never talks about being a feminist, it is apparent in the way in which she has a life before her first marriage and a rewarding career, as well, that she has an autonomous spirit. When she talks about her attitude about marrying again, she is definitely ensconced in valuing herself as a person individually and not just as someone else’s spouse. She and her husband, Jeff, are coming together not to form a whole from something otherwise incomplete, but rather to form something greater than either of them alone.

NOW I SEE THE MOON was surprising in these ways and more. It is a testament to one woman’s strength and sense of self within a set of extremely challenging circumstances. I reiterate that while the book is described as being a story of a parent’s struggle and ultimate acceptance of the diagnosis of autism, it is so much more than that. I not only learned a lot about autism and autistic behavior, which will serve me well as I encounter parents of autistic children or people who are on the autistic spectrum directly, I was also treated to a riveting memoir of a modern woman, who is a woman before she is a mother, the mother of an autistic child, wife, advocate, child acting coach or any other role Hall might take on in her life.

First published: http://www.hercircleezine.com/2011/12/22/now-i-see-the-moon-by-elaine-hall/

Victoria's Secret Models: Too Ethereal, Not Realistic and Not Athletic

COPYRIGHT DENNIS MOJADO WWW.PHOTOGRAPHY.MOJADO.COM/ARCHIVES/2005/02/16/ANGEL_BACK.PHP

Much attention has been given to the diet undertaken by Adriana Lima, a Victoria’s Secret model, in preparation for the company’s annual fashion show. Many media outlets covering the story criticize the diet’s extreme wherein Ms. Lima cuts out solid food, consumes only liquids and does not even drink water for twelve hours before the event. While it was stressed that the model works with a nutritionist during her dieting phase, others questioned the diet regardless.SHAPE magazine spoke with a nutritional expert for his opinion of the regimen. Mike Roussell, PhD claimed the diet was not harmful long-term, yet he also stated, “I wouldn’t recommend this diet to anyone.” He then points out that there are athletes who, before a competition, follow extreme diets, cut water intake and pursue extreme fitness routines. Later in the SHAPE article, Roussell admits the digestive tract will stop working and require a slow change back to normal eating after such extremes.

I looked into various websites that have information about wrestling fitness, a sport wherein Roussell claims people do things like the Victoria’s Secret models, such as ceasing water intake before a weigh-in. Most of the sites I found strongly advised against such tactics. They focus more on proper nutrition and hydration for optimal performance. Athletes are warned against attempting drastic water weight-loss, in fact, due to the negative health impact dehydration has on the body.

Personally, I see a big difference between someone training for an event of physical exertion and one training to wear outlandish costumes that offer unrealistic depictions of the female form. A wrestler training for a match works on strength, skills and tactics. He or she works toward being in top physical form to use his or her body in a competition that pits muscle form, skills and mental fortitude against an equal rival. With whom is the Victoria’s Secret “Angel” in competition? For what is she training herself? Her entire goal, it seems, is to be “thin enough” that the company will continue to pay her exorbitant amounts of money to parade around in what one might call underwear. (Judging by the previews of the show, no one wears this stuff off the runway, though. It wouldn’t fit beneath most clothing, for one thing.)

COPYRIGHT MICHAEL DORAUSCH WWW.FLICKR.COM/PHOTOS/CHIROPRACTIC/3564206998

I believe there’s a difference between my friend who trains to run marathons, who has a muscular yet thin body, and a Victoria’s Secret model. My friend is thin due to her level of physical activity, and she does not do anything extreme before the marathon itself. She isn’t running merely for her physical form, but rather her health long-term and her feeling of accomplishment at completing such a challenging athletic event. I would be willing to bet that most marathon runners would be considered too muscular and/or too “heavy” for modeling, in fact. This is what I find so wrong with the advertising, fashion and modeling industries.

When will advertisers stop using images of women that are entirely impossible, even for women like Ms. Lima, who are born with genes that allow them to be quite thin normally, which is still not thin enough? Even these top models cannot maintain that “image” on a regular basis. I suppose there is some solace in Victoria’s Secret referring to these women as “Angels” since the company clearly indicates the ethereal nature and lack of corporeal existence of their models through this nomenclature.

First published http://www.hercircleezine.com/2011/11/17/victorias_secret_models/

From the Doll House to the Punk Rock Stage

Stephanie Keuhnert writes a haunting tale about abandonment in her novel, I WANNA BE YOUR JOEY RAMONE (Simon & Schuster, 2008). Set in the nineties punk/grunge music scene, the novel will remind anyone who came of age during that time of the soundtrack of his or her youth. The story is not just about the music scene of Nirvana and Social Distortion fame, but rather music is the setting for a drama about family relationships.

Louisa feels responsible for her role in the death of her violent boyfriend. Years later, her continued guilt over this event causes her to leave her husband, Michael, and their infant daughter, Emily. Louisa believes she is not a good enough person to raise a baby and make a life with Michael. She runs from her memories and finds herself merely in a more painful present and future, with nothing but regrets littering her past, which takes her all over the United States. Emily grows up thinking her mother left to follow her passion: punk rock. She is told a story about her mother being too big for the small town in which Michael raises Emily. The story falls apart as Emily herself faces similar circumstances and rebels into the drug, alcohol and casual sex-fueled world that is rock n’ roll. For most of her teen years and into her early twenties, Emily pretends she’s not searching for her mother, yet every song she writes is a message in a bottle that she hopes Louisa will find.

We see that Louisa is blamed for abandoning Emily, and for Emily’s multiple tumbles into volatile relationships and drug abuse. Her father, Michael, is painted as a saint, a man who wears his wedding ring for over twenty years without ever having heard from Louisa. He is portrayed as having done the best he could, given the situation, and escapes blameless for not picking up on the alcohol abuse or promiscuous behavior Emily exhibits starting around age thirteen. Emily’s best friend, Regan, whose mother, Molly, was Louisa’s best friend, is the only adult who sees yet does not stop the self-destructive behavior, either.

Why is Michael not shouldered with some responsibility for his daughter’s behavior in her early teen years? Why is he not admonished for his ignorance, which has to be self-induced, since he was a part of the same scene, wherein he met Louisa? It is clear in the book’s tone that the author doesn’t think there is anything strange or wrong with the father of a teenager who allows her to be out all hours of the night, to hang out at an abandoned building where there is under-age drinking, violence, drug use and sex going on every night there is a band playing.

No, it is the mother’s absence that is seen as the problem. The daughter’s lack of counseling in her youth to deal with the loss and her father’s inability to move on from heartbreak are not issues. If only the mother had not left. For, it is not the mother’s broken person for whom we might feel sympathy, but rather only her abandoned husband and daughter. When Emily’s self-destructive behavior continues into her early twenties, we still don’t blame her for not growing up and becoming responsible for herself. No, we see her as a little girl inside, impetuous, and flighty, and all because her mommy left long before she even knew her.

Like in Ibsen’s A DOLL’S HOUSE, (see July 21, 2011 inContext) women have reasons for leaving when they do. Sometimes it is to discover a self they never knew or never allowed to develop. Sometimes it is to escape pain or to run from a past they feel they might escape by leaving. Whether one finds reason or justification for such behavior is irrelevant. What needs to be addressed is the blaming of the woman for everything that happens to those left behind. So, I leave inContext readers with a rhetorical question: At what point does the present and future become the responsibility of the remaining parent, or the child him or herself? This question not only applies to those who have been left by a parent or spouse, but might also apply to other areas wherein we’ve suffered past hurt. By asking the question in this way, the blame is moved from the woman/mother who left, and responsibility is given to those remaining, so that they might heal and make a life with less rather than more pain.

First published: http://www.hercircleezine.com/2011/11/10/12859/

Pyrex Baking Dishes = Happiness

So many friends of mine are doing a little gratitude thing for the month of November on Facebook. They’re listing things each day (and people!) for which/whom they’re thankful. Rather than a gratitude list, per se, I was thinking about things that make me happy. I say that because I had just read someone’s listing for the day, and had just finished washing dishes, and thought about the following:

You know how Pyrex dishes can get “stained” with something weird? It’s not like they’re dirty, and there are no “chunks” (Ewww!) yet they’ve got some kind of dark mark in an otherwise unseen blemish in the glass. O.k., so you are either with me on this or not. Regardless, I was thinking about how I just love washing my Pyrex even though it has a couple “stains” that just won’t come off, even in the dishwasher. I think about all of the good things that get baked in those dishes, and it reminds of me happy, wonderful memories of family meals. It makes me think about my son teaching himself to bake, about my daughter making brownies for friends and about reheating leftovers from even meals we’ve eaten out as a family. Stained Pyrex means we’ve spent years using the same “old” pan, nourishing our spirits along with our bodies as we sit and process the day. 

Women: Bearing Children and the Responsibility for the World's Population

While driving to an appointment on Wednesday, October 26, 2011, I listened to an interview with Babatunde Osotimehin on the BBC News Hour. Dr. Osotimehin is the United Nations Population Fund Executive Director. He made some comments that I think bear further reflection. Upfront, I recognize and state that I am taking his comments out of context. However, the way in which we talk about things is related to how we think about them, so words matter. Dr. Osotimehin claimed that the U.N. is working with the governments of countries with extremely high birth rates to empower, educate and provide women with access to reproductive services and family planning. Specifically, Dr. Osotimehin stated that, “when we empower women” they “make the right choices” and “that population does go down.”

I won’t reiterate the string of obscenities that flew at the radio from my mouth as I negotiated my way onto the highway in heavy traffic. What I will discuss herein is the misguided ways in which all sorts of problems are handled where population growth, birth control, access to abortion and women’s empowerment and education are concerned. Dr. Osotimehin needs to know that until men are also educated, and refrain from subjugating women, all the education and access in the world won’t make a difference for the women themselves. His comments also indicate that population control is the responsibility of women in the world and that men are not part of the equation. Why is there not an effort to educate men about monogamy, about having a single spouse and about using birth control that they control, such as using a condom? Condom use would not only keep the birth rate down, but would also keep sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV/AIDS, from being transmitted.

Rather than leaving it as the “elephant in the room,” I will point out that the countries with population problems, per Dr. Osotimehin’s own report and those of his colleagues at the U.N., are also the countries in which HIV/AIDS is most prevalent. It is not just women who need empowerment, education and access to reproductive services and family planning, it is men who also need to change their thinking about women, who need education and who must be a partner in family planning and disease prevention. Women should not be the only people to bear the burden of birth control, in addition to either bearing a child or seeking abortion services. Dr. Osotimehin’s description of women who take/use birth control and choose abortion when they find themselves pregnant as having made “the right decision” is offensive. The responsibility for population growth, disease and hunger cannot rest with women alone. Why are women being relied upon to, “make the right decision,” which will slow birth rates, when men are not also being asked to make any kind of “right decision” about their own actions?

Dr. Osotimehin’s words put women in the seat of responsibility, so that any failure to prevent pregnancy or birth is their personal failure. He has forgotten that women need a partner in order to become pregnant. In nations where birth rates are high, there are high rates of HIV/AIDS, as I´ve already pointed out in the paragraph above. In addition, these nations are those in which the subjugation of women is the norm and where women have few rights or few avenues for controlling their lives and bodies. Until the men of these nations are educated, change their present social mores and choose to be responsible themselves, women will continue to suffer. Dr. Osotimehin’s words merely indicate another way in which women can be controlled and used as a means to an end. Encouraging women to take responsibility for birth control and the options for terminating undesired pregnancy is not empowerment, it is control and coercion in just the opposite direction. Unless women are truly empowered to be autonomous human beings, they will move from being used by men to being used by governments.

Language is important. When we talk about empowerment, that word needs to be defined as autonomous control. It should not be part of a coercive campaign to further burden women with the desires of governments or United Nations councils. I agree with Dr. Osotimehin that if women were indeed empowered in nations where birth rates are extremely high, they would automatically seek education and they would automatically seek to control birth rates in an effort to protect their own health and well-being, as well as that of their already living children. However, I also believe that when we talk about solving issues such as HIV/AIDS transmission or birth rates, we need to include men in the conversation. Men need to be active participants in preventing disease transmission and reducing birth rates. Women cannot be held accountable for these issues while men are not. Women should also not be blamed and language around these issues needs to be carefully chosen so that women are not forced to make decisions while men are not asked to actively engage themselves or change anything about their own behaviors and attitudes.

First published: http://www.hercircleezine.com/2011/11/03/women-bearing-children-and-the-responsibility-for-the-worlds-population/

The Ugliness of Bullying by Women

A publicist at Harper Collins sent me several books for consideration within inContext. One is Theresa Brown’sCRITICAL CARE (HarperOne, 2010). The book is a memoir of the author’s first year as an oncology nurse. She sought nursing as a second career, after years as a professor of English. The story itself is a great read, yet the thing that stands out for me is Brown’s description of bullying within nursing, which is in chapter nine.

Brown says that, “Bullying thrives only because people collude with it” (p. 138). She goes on to call the lack of reaction from a co-worker who witnesses the bullying of the author by a superior a “gross ugliness” (p. 138). When she discussed the situation with her superiors and human resources, she was advised that nothing would be done about the offending nurse’s behavior, and a senior nurse told Brown she could possibly avoid conflict by being “more submissive” (p. 139). In the discussion questions section at the end of the text, that are specifically addressed to nursing students and faculty, the book describes nurse-on-nurse bullying as “a recurring and serious problem.”

Elsewhere in the book, the author talks about the statement often tossed around nursing schools, that being that “nurses eat their young.” I have a friend whose sister just finished nursing school. She faced this kind of maltreatment throughout her training. I have several friends who are midwives who suffer bullying within the midwifery community, as well. We talk about the irony of the word “midwife” meaning “with woman” and how midwives seem to exemplify the opposite, or a total lack of support for one another.

Michael Thompson, a psychologist best known for his work with adolescent boys, claims that bullying with boys takes on a more physical nature while bullying between girls is passive-aggressive, and thus far more difficult to talk about and thereby eradicate. We’ve all likely experienced a phone call or interaction in a retail store possibly when the person who is supposed to be helping us solve our problem is actually resistant. His or her voice takes on a certain false quality, yet his or her words could never be construed as anything but the epitome of customer service friendly. In these situations, even if you asked for a more senior supervisor, it wouldn’t matter since the employee or customer service representative never said anything out of line. Rather, he or she said “everything right” yet definitely not with what you’d be able to say was a “right” or kind attitude.

The insidious thing about bullying within healthcare professions is that it seems the exact opposite of the qualities one needs to work in medicine. Compassion, understanding and supportiveness are characteristics we might think of when we think of nurses or midwives. I know that woman-on-woman bullying takes place in any employment situation and often occurs in volunteer organizations, as well. What amazed me about the senior nurse and human resources representatives is that they felt that backing down and not standing up to the bully was the answer. As fellow women, they advised another woman to be “more submissive.”

I agree with Brown that we need to not sit silently by while others are mistreated, whether it is at work or in our communities. Bullying and bystanders allowing it is the gross ugliness she describes. As women, rather than be divided, we must unite to support one another with understanding and compassion. Have readers encountered bullying, whether at work or within other groups? Have you found solutions or just moved on when faced with this negative behavior? Let us know if you have experience with bullying, especially if you have insights into how it can be solved.

First published http://www.hercircleezine.com/2011/10/27/the-ugliness-of-bullying-by-women/

"Warriors Don't Cry" Book Review and Reflection

Last week, I wrote about Laurel Thatcher Ulrich’s WELL-BEHAVED WOMEN SELDOM MAKE HISTORY. This week, I want to share the story of Melba Patillo Beals, a woman who was forced to be well-behaved and yet definitely made history. Ms. Beals was born in Little Rock Arkansas. She was in junior high when the Supreme Court decided Brown v. Board of Education in 1954. In September of 1957, Ms. Beals was part of a group of black students who were chosen to integrate Little Rock High School. The group of nine students came to be known as the “Little Rock Nine.”

There was such resistance in Little Rock, Arkansas to the integration of the high school that the neighbors and extended relatives of those who were to be the first black students to integrate the school suffered. There were originally seventeen students who were to integrate the school and yet eight of them dropped out and remained at their segregated high school instead as their parents were threatened with losing their jobs. There was widespread violence. Governor Faubus was so against integration being forced upon the state that he called on the National Guard to block students from entering the school. President Eisenhower sent members of the 101st Airborne Division to serve as personal bodyguards to the black students as they proceeded to overrule the actions of the governor through the school year. Tensions in the town ran high and even reporters were subject to violence as they tried to cover the story.

In her memoir of this momentous, historic event, WARRIORS DON’T CRY (Simon Pulse, 2007), Ms. Beals draws her strength to persevere from her religion as instilled in her by her grandmother, India. All of the students suffered unimaginably horrible threats and actual physical violence. Ms. Beals was burned with acid that was tossed in her face. She stood up to immense odds to complete the school year and then left the area to finish high school in California. Today, she teaches journalism in California and is a public speaker.

I share this story on the heels of the Ulrich text since WARRIORS DON’T CRY is a great reminder of what an individual can do to make a difference, to make history. When individuals stand up for themselves, as Ms. Beals did by seeking access to education guaranteed by the Constitution, history is made. What makes this memoir unique is that it shares the story as Ms. Beals looks back on her experience with some of the other students during a reunion held on the fortieth anniversary. She tells her tale within the context of her later life and reflects upon her experiences and how they shaped her decisions and relationships.

This text would be an appropriate addition to any feminist reading list as a representation of a woman, especially a woman of color, making history. While Ms. Beals does not necessarily write from a feminist perspective, her life as it has been lived is an example of the quiet ways in which one might stand up for what is right. The most amazing part of it is that she was forced to be as “well-behaved” as possible in order to get into and continue as a student at Little Rock High School. Any trouble perceived as being from her would have given the school a reason to expel her. She had to be as stoic as the soldiers guarding her and her classmates. It is interesting that her “good behavior” is what allowed her to be a part of this historical event and also what helped her get through the horrors of it.

First published: http://www.hercircleezine.com/2011/10/20/warriors-dont-cry/

"Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History" Book Review and Reflection

Laurel Thatcher Ulrich is the woman behind the phrase, “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” This short sentence, which was the opening paragraph of a paper she wrote about sermons given at Puritan women’s funerals, is now the title of a book by Ulrich (WELL-BEHAVED WOMEN SELDOM MAKE HISTORY, Vintage Books, 2008). In the book, Ulrich examines women in history and throughout history who have contributed to women’s inclusion in historical accounts, even when they had to write them themselves.

When we think about researchers today looking back on history, finding archeological evidence of societies that seemed to revere women, at some point we have to realize that we’re injecting our own belief systems and knowledge upon a society we cannot ever really come to know. Ulrich examines the actual contributions of women from Christine de Pizan in the fourteen hundreds to modern historians in our own time. Just as her GOOD WIVES (Knopf, 1992) debunks myths about power balances in families in early U.S. history, WELL-BEHAVED WOMEN SELDOM MAKE HISTORY proves that women do, indeed, make history, and, as Ulrich emphasizes, sometimes they make history even when that is not their intention.

Ulrich ends her book focusing on where we go from here. This may sound somewhat formulaic: another feminist book with a “think about this, ladies” at the end. What she offers is not as trite as that. She discusses the events that led to what is known as “second-wave” feminism in the 1970s, especially in the United States. The groups that were interested in civil rights were often divided when it came to rights, regardless of their sex. Women’s groups were still divided between those who were heterosexual, homosexual and those who stemmed from different ethnic, racial and/or economic backgrounds. Even as some coherence came to portions of the women’s movement or strides were made by groups divided into factions, Ulrich reminds us to be cognizant of the nature of “waves.”

She says, “WAVES ARE INHERENTLY CYCLICAL. THEY MOVE IN. THEY MOVE OUT. THEY POUND THE SHORE THEN DISAPPEAR, OFTEN LEAVING CHANGES TOO SUBTLE TO BE OBSERVED. IF EARLIER WAVES OF FEMALE CONSCIOUSNESS DISAPPEARED, SURELY THE SAME THING CAN HAPPEN AGAIN. A NEW GENERATION MIGHT FORGET WHERE THEIR FREEDOMS CAME FROM, DRIFTING BACK ONCE AGAIN INTO THE SANDBAR OF SILENCE.” 

Exploring the concept of the subtle changes rendered by waves, we see that where small gains are made so that over time the landscape changes, we also see that we should be aware of even small changes that might significantly reduce the landscape given enough time. While Ulrich may end on a familiar note, she asks us to be more aware of tides and times on a macro- versus micro-scale. Her tone is not merely “what you can do today” but rather more along the lines of asking us all to think before (and as) we act, to truly know history so that we know what we’re applying when we bring up the past or use a quote from a woman in antiquity.

For example, Ulrich shows that historical figures and quotes may be used for out-of-context purposes. Her own “well-behaved women” comment has been used to sell t-shirts for a non-profit that promotes a pro-woman agenda. It has also been featured on magnets featuring high heel shoes and cigarettes. Ulrich herself, in this text, reflects upon the ambiguous nature of the quote itself. It can be interpreted in many ways, thus its appeal and her warning about the use of such things with multiple meanings.

As we look to the history of women, Ulrich reminds us not to bury that which does not fit into the box we’ve created, but rather to embrace the richness of varied viewpoints. She reminds us that women were both accused and accuser in witch-hunts and supported both North and South in the Civil War in the United States. She says, “If history is to enlarge our understanding of human experience, it must include stories that must dismay as well as inspire.” In fact, those stories that dismay us may just be what we need to come to understand most if we’re going to be able to navigate a landscape being changed by the current waves of competing political agendas and a global economy.

First published: http://www.hercircleezine.com/2011/10/13/well-behaved-women-seldom-make-history/